Friday, December 8, 2017

24 Years Ago....Stream of Conciousness

Yes... 24 years ago... some of you readers weren't even born yet, some of you were just in grade school, for me, I was getting ready to finish one of the hardest things I've ever had to do... US Navy boot camp. I was 21 years old and so much the high maintenance prima donna princess when I entered the halls of Naval Training Center Orlando, and nine weeks later I had shed that shell that I had created, I did things I NEVER thought I would or could do. I was still very much into my disease, but that's a whole other blog post in itself... (I've been in recovery from alcohol since March of 1995)... Anyone who has gone through any type of military basic training knows that you are split down the middle and put back together emotionally by the time you are ready to graduate from training. Right now I'm wishing I could do that again... I know, WHY???? I need it. The last two two and half years of my life have just been, well.... a PSA for what not to do with our bodies, our souls and our minds.... three heart attacks, over 60 lbs overweight, double bypass surgery and to top it off a bipolar meltdown that put me in the hospital. As January and the new year approaches I find myself starting to re-evaluate everything I need to work on.... It comes down to a very small list....

Mind...
Body...
Spirit...

Those three words encompass so much.  At boot camp I used those three to get me through it all, along with the unfailing support of my 30 boot camp sisters. Right now I have a few hundred supporters in a FB group created by Cori Spieker The Reset Girl called the Happy Place Club, and another group called the Faithful Planner Girls. Today I started watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel... so good, and it's only forty minutes in. It's all about starting over, and wanting to do what makes you happy, and love what you're doing!


So now, 24 years later... here I am, Navy veteran whose body is falling apart and I'm trying to keep sane after losing my grandmother and sister all in the span of a year and a half, my shrink dumped me (an insurance thing), and my therapist is always in Hawaii, I passed out and wrecked my car, they took my license (only temporary) and I hate my hair... sigh. Ok, it's not all THAT bad, but I am ready for a change. Let me rephrase that, I have no choice but to change. This past Wednesday I came face to face with the fact that we are all ticking bombs of self destruction if we don't take care of ourselves. A childhood friend died way too early. That will wake you up real quick.

So here I am trying to figure out how i'm going to go cold turkey on sugar during the middle of the holidays. Kind of like trying to quit drinking during St. Patrick's Day... and I did that. I did, seriously, 22 years ago. I won't lie, I'm scared. Just tired of being sick all the time, of being angry at the world, of being sad and lonely. I'm ready for this new chapter of my life... baby steps I know, for what I have to do I just can't dive in head first, my body will retaliate in full force. My head, my soul, that is going to take some time. I do have friends and family that are here to help, and some that are far away that are here for me too...I am thankful for them. I am thankful for you, my readers, it has been a tumultuous ride here at Altered Whimseys. I know I have made big plans before, you know what happens when you make plans? Life. Right now I'm just going to work my program and do this whole new chapter one day at a time. So for now I'm off to mail off some love for a friend who was there for me when everything was falling down around me.

No comments:

Post a Comment